Creating Sustainable Relationships, Part 2

GS So often we simply fall into whatever we end up doing. And it may or may not be congruent with the things that would be most important to us if reflection were involved. WM Right. We fall into social norms, doing what everyone else is doing or has done. Now, you can choose into goals that your company or employer or spouse has chosen; it isn't as though we live in isolation. But the fact that you actually choose into those goals makes your experience in achieving them emotionally different. You never really get to integrity, however, until you've recognized your deepest motivation or desire. Our prime motive is either love or fear, and it can vary from time to time: if we feel safe and secure, we can be driven by loving motives; if we feel threatened and insecure, we're going to be driven by fear. GS Is fear really the only other motivation besides love? What about greed and other negative human motivations? WM Greed is a manifestation of fear, in the way I look at it. Why are you greedy? Because you're afraid you're not going to have what you want, or that someone else is going to have more. GS In your sustainability vision, wisdom is also an important concept. What does wisdom mean to you? WM Once you understand how the human mind works, you see how we constantly make errors. In the 1940s, Dr. Robert Hartman started mapping how the human mind is designed to make decisions based on what we value. For instance, I can value a good meal, or a sunny day, or a loving relationship, or a good job. Let's suppose I value my free time more than I value a job. Then I'm either going to choose a job that has a lot of flexibility, or I'm going to get fired a lot. So what is it that makes one person value independence and spontaneity and another person obedience and dependability? What Dr. Hartman says is that we look through three lenses when we make a decision. The one that takes in the least amount of data is the analytical lens, which is tangible data, black-and-white thinking, plans, spreadsheets-something we can physically point to as data. Another lens is common sense; how do I choose a path or a tool that will help me get the results I want? We use common sense when we're going to work, when we decide to put on dress shoes and not flip-flops or sandals. If, on the other hand, we're going for a run, we choose our running shoes. So it's very practical: What will work in this case to help me get what I want? The third lens-the highest level of thinking-is intrinsic, the ability to take non analytical data, like all your experience, and to develop high forms of intuition. A lot of people call it relying on your gut, but it's really based on data. The mistake people make is that they rely primarily on only one of those sources of decision-making. So you have people who are very black-and-white, who just want to obey the rules no matter what, even if those rules don't have moral content; for instance, they don't apply in this special situation, or they're antiquated for the current use, or following them will have detrimental effects. If rules become the only way to make decisions, much unnecessary suffering can result. Many Nazi soldiers did terrible things because they felt that following the rules was more important than the rules themselves. On the other hand, people who act only on expediency can end up taking lots of dangerous shortcuts. They're just going to do whatever it takes to get what they want now. So if cheating works because I really need to get an A in this class, and I think I can get away with it, I'm going to cheat. If I rely on intuition for everything, particularly in areas where I don't have a lot of experience, I may mistake emotional feelings for wisdom and will make all kinds of mistakes. You see a lot of this in New Age thinking. If you try to work solely by intuition, you're going to create a lot of suffering. It's only when intuition is the result of years of information and experience that it's very reliable. Wisdom lies in using all three of these lenses. When all of these things coincide-the facts, your common sense and your intuition all agree that this is probably the best path-that's when you know you have a low risk of making a mistake. But very few people make decisions that way. This is how we need to go about making the mature decisions that allow us to live life in integrity and sustainable abundance. Source: www.vision.org